Parenting makes us blind.
And deaf.
And very, very afraid.
The combination of blindness, deafness, and fear keeps us from being the parents our children need. When our children need us to see their foibles, we choose instead to overlook them so we can continue to cling to the hope that our children don't have insecurities, or bad habits, or character weaknesses.
When our children need us to hear their arrogance, or anxiety, or angst, we pretend they are just having a bad day, or week, or moment.
And when we learn of dangerous trends in our community, we hunker down in our chosen realities and pretend that drugs, alcohol abuse, social media issues, and bullying are dangers our children would never participate in.
Why do I believe this? Because I've been the school administrator calling home to tell a parent that their child has bullied another, or brought drugs to school, or cut herself, or threatened suicide, or sent a nude photo, or was caught having sex behind the middle school. Almost every time, parents do not believe me, even with incontrovertible evidence in hand.
When as parents we choose to only celebrate our children's good choices, we cripple them. They believe their accomplishments overshadow all else, and develop a dangerous elitism that morphs into cruelty toward others and despair that there are no moral absolutes. When we refuse to believe our children can do wrong, we teach them that they can do no wrong. But we both need and want our children to make mistakes so that we have teachable moments.
I am not saying that our children should not experience Grace. Praise God for His grace in our adult lives!
But children and youth need to know that their actions have consequences. It is our mistakes that grow us, shape us, refine us.
It is amazingly easy and satisfying to celebrate the goodness in our child. But by acknowledging their weaknesses and sharing our own, we fall more fully at Jesus' feet. And that is just where I want to be.
How do you show your child Grace paired with Truth?
And deaf.
And very, very afraid.
The combination of blindness, deafness, and fear keeps us from being the parents our children need. When our children need us to see their foibles, we choose instead to overlook them so we can continue to cling to the hope that our children don't have insecurities, or bad habits, or character weaknesses.
When our children need us to hear their arrogance, or anxiety, or angst, we pretend they are just having a bad day, or week, or moment.
And when we learn of dangerous trends in our community, we hunker down in our chosen realities and pretend that drugs, alcohol abuse, social media issues, and bullying are dangers our children would never participate in.
Why do I believe this? Because I've been the school administrator calling home to tell a parent that their child has bullied another, or brought drugs to school, or cut herself, or threatened suicide, or sent a nude photo, or was caught having sex behind the middle school. Almost every time, parents do not believe me, even with incontrovertible evidence in hand.
When as parents we choose to only celebrate our children's good choices, we cripple them. They believe their accomplishments overshadow all else, and develop a dangerous elitism that morphs into cruelty toward others and despair that there are no moral absolutes. When we refuse to believe our children can do wrong, we teach them that they can do no wrong. But we both need and want our children to make mistakes so that we have teachable moments.
I am not saying that our children should not experience Grace. Praise God for His grace in our adult lives!
But children and youth need to know that their actions have consequences. It is our mistakes that grow us, shape us, refine us.
It is amazingly easy and satisfying to celebrate the goodness in our child. But by acknowledging their weaknesses and sharing our own, we fall more fully at Jesus' feet. And that is just where I want to be.
How do you show your child Grace paired with Truth?